dangerous new world
We're moving into strange, uncharted waters. You see, Eric and I are no longer the only literate members of this household. Beth is now reading, reading, reading, deciphering the written word all around her, and that means I can't keep anything secret from her sharp little eyes anymore.
If we drive by a certain store that has a great big enormous sign right near the freeway, she notices it. "Mom? What's an Adult Shop? Why is it only for adults? Do you go there, mom?"
If I write "doctor" on the to-do list in the kitchen, she sees it and is all over it. "Doctor? Who's going to the doctor? Why? Do I have to get a shot? A shot? Do I?"
If the cookbook is open on the counter, she sees it and says "Oh, are we having tuna fish for dinner tonight? I don't *like* tuna."
If she sees a notation on the calendar when she wakes up in the morning, she knows without me telling her that today is the day we're visiting Nana or going to a friend's house or leaving for a trip, and she informs the other girls, and they're out-their-minds hyper with joy for hours before it's time to leave. This is why I generally keep them in the dark about things. An ignorant child is a mellow child.
And let's not even talk about the computer. When she comes up behind me in the office, I want to throw my arms over the screen and say, "No! No! Don't look at this!" Suddenly everything seems like a potential landmine. Whether it's e-mail to a friend discussing some personal issue, or venting on a brief mid-day computer chat with my husband (Me: "the kids are really driving me crazy today." Eric: "heh." Me: "Can't you walk in the door and hold the stinkin baby right now?" Eric: "Probably not, since I am at work." Me: "I could be SUCH an effective and awesome housewife if these kids didn't keep needing me all the time." Him: "Sorry, babe.")
Even Facebook is dangerous...status updates from acquaintances throwing around the occasional "Dammit" or other phrase that doesn't bother me, but I don't really want to hear my 5-year-old incorporating into her conversation. ("Mommy, what does WTF mean?")
And good grief, what about when she starts reading my blog?
Couldn't we just turn back time and have her stay illiterate forever?
If we drive by a certain store that has a great big enormous sign right near the freeway, she notices it. "Mom? What's an Adult Shop? Why is it only for adults? Do you go there, mom?"
If I write "doctor" on the to-do list in the kitchen, she sees it and is all over it. "Doctor? Who's going to the doctor? Why? Do I have to get a shot? A shot? Do I?"
If the cookbook is open on the counter, she sees it and says "Oh, are we having tuna fish for dinner tonight? I don't *like* tuna."
If she sees a notation on the calendar when she wakes up in the morning, she knows without me telling her that today is the day we're visiting Nana or going to a friend's house or leaving for a trip, and she informs the other girls, and they're out-their-minds hyper with joy for hours before it's time to leave. This is why I generally keep them in the dark about things. An ignorant child is a mellow child.
And let's not even talk about the computer. When she comes up behind me in the office, I want to throw my arms over the screen and say, "No! No! Don't look at this!" Suddenly everything seems like a potential landmine. Whether it's e-mail to a friend discussing some personal issue, or venting on a brief mid-day computer chat with my husband (Me: "the kids are really driving me crazy today." Eric: "heh." Me: "Can't you walk in the door and hold the stinkin baby right now?" Eric: "Probably not, since I am at work." Me: "I could be SUCH an effective and awesome housewife if these kids didn't keep needing me all the time." Him: "Sorry, babe.")
Even Facebook is dangerous...status updates from acquaintances throwing around the occasional "Dammit" or other phrase that doesn't bother me, but I don't really want to hear my 5-year-old incorporating into her conversation. ("Mommy, what does WTF mean?")
And good grief, what about when she starts reading my blog?
Couldn't we just turn back time and have her stay illiterate forever?
10 comments:
I have to say that I really worried about this before it happened last summer for both my kids. Especially when I'd read bumper stickers! It's hard to have kids know stuff. That's why I've let the school teach them to tell time. I figured they didn't need to know that too soon!
Yikes. That is a scary thought. :) I'm still at the 2-year old stage and unhappy that my daughter catches on too fast about my sweet tooth tendencies. How do they have a cookie/candy radar at such a young age?
@ Becca: You are so right about the sweet tooth thing. Right after I finished writing this post, Beth walked in...and caught me eating Hershey kisses that I'd discovered in the back of the cupboard.
Eeeeeee... it's bad. At least I'm not the only one!
My daughter was so aggravated that I was making chocolate chip cookies while she was getting ready for bed. I told her she could have one tomorrow with her lunch (and I was thinking "crap, that's so hypocritical -- I'll probably eat at least 3 tonight). :)
My co-worker said her kid was saying "OMG, Mom" and she's only 3.
Jason and I always used to spell things aloud to each other, but now Sydney figures it all out. Drat those literate children!
Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately), Sydney doesn't read things I've written because of her vision. I write small and sloppy, which is tricky for even the non-visually impaired to read.
That's so funny! I do have a rule of no reading over my shoulder when I'm on the computer. (Oh, even funnier, he leaned over JUST NOW to read over my shoulder!) I love the line "an ignorant child is a mellow child" - so true. I never tell them until right before because of that and because I cannot handle the hysterics if something gets canceled.
The bumper stickers kill me. Ethan was learning to read two years ago and was still sounding things out. He blurted out this lovely, "I Love Boobs", almost had me in hysterics!
@ Connie: Oh my. Hearing Ethan say "I love boobs" would send me over the edge too!
Well...if you're from Wisconsin, "WTF" for a very, short lived time, meant, the Wisconsin Tourism Federation. Yes, that's right... some poor Wisconsiners made giant billboards with their new, clever, acronym "WTF". The morning commute was obviously filled with gleeful callers. The WTF has since become the WFT. So if she asks...just say "WTF" is a term used in Wisconsin.
I love ignorant children too! Wade and I have to spell everything out these days. Now we don't even spell the whole word, such as I-C-E means Ice Cream... We are too lazy to spell certain words out that we say all the time (ice cream is very important in our house!)! Oh good luck with your little reader, I'm sure she is getting to be super smart like her parents and you will just need to lock her in a closet next year to slow her down!! ;-)
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